I did it. Finally did it. And, I did it so quickly. I wrote a book. I wrote a book!
Some of you may know that I had been writing a book, a memoir. That story is so close to my heart and my life, obviously. I was about halfway through it when a whole new plot to the story could have started based on my life and experiences from about a year ago. Those stories could break a lot of people's hearts, and after a lot of thought, it was not a story that I truly felt like sharing with the world. Living through some difficult times and coming out a champion is not how the story would actually end, and even though this is life, I'm too concerned about other opinions or what people might say about some of my actions. It's my life, and some of it just must remain my own. Maybe one day, but for now, no.
Once I closed that story, I just let my mind wander...what should I write about and could I be any good at fiction? I know I could, but what story hasn't already been written? I get ideas in my head a lot, fictional stories that would seem interesting. Building a plot around them was the difficult part. One night I did get an off-the-wall idea that I thought could turn into something. So, I built an outline and then I wrote the first chapter and I was off and running. The chapters continued to build themselves in my head and I felt that I could not write fast enough to keep up with my mind. And then, I stopped.
I'm not sure what exactly made me stop, but I felt that my head needed to clear and there was so much going on around me personally.
I started to feel lost in many different ways. This writing thing was beginning to feel like a crutch, and having said that I always wanted to finish a book, damn it I was going to do it. I felt like I was just forcing myself because as much as I really wanted to and it was one of my dreams, I just wanted to get it done. That took all the fun out of it.
I began missing my dad a great deal during this time, realizing that I had stopped thinking about him as much and remembering the memories. While some don't believe in the afterlife or psychics or mediums, I do. It was at this time that a weird coincidence happened when I was talking with one of my friends who told me about this amazing woman that I should talk to. She could possibly help with some of my internal turmoil. I needed guidance, and I almost didn't care if someone was going to feed me a line of bullshit just to help bring me back on track.
I saw this woman, and I've only told a few people about this experience. She knew nothing about me going in, but she seemed to know everything about me as she began reading my angel cards. I offered virtually no information to her, yet she gave me exactly what I needed and answers. Ask for things, ask for signs, ask for help, and start talking to your dad at night again is what she told me. She told me a lot more, but that was the information I needed to get back on the book track. I left there with an odd sense of relief. And, I did what she said.
Five days later a book idea came into my head. It couldn't be missed, it was literally shouting at me - the idea itself. I remember standing in the kitchen for nearly five minutes thinking oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, over and over again. It's not the direction I was ever planning to take, and a complete turn for me into the children's book world. But, it made perfect sense. That night I searched everywhere online for a book that could be similar. Nothing. This is it, I thought.
The next night I sat down and wrote the entire thing, and then I spent the next week refining it. I am really in love with this book, and I am so excited to see where this road leads...