Sunday, August 24, 2014


There is a situation that has weighed heavy on my heart this weekend. And, while I am not one to share any sort of family matters publicly, I need to ask for some help or advice with a situation that has become out of hand.

My mother and I have never been the best of friends. I was always in fear being around her, and a lot of people that I grew up with could tell you that. I was rarely the one that was allowed to go do things with my friends while in high school because of the upbringing I had. Scared to ask, because the answer was always no. I rarely asked. To this day, whenever I am asked to go do something with a friend or friends, I always feel the need to ask my husband if it is okay - who then says, “You know, you don’t have to ask me to go do something.” It is just fear. I have been trying to get over it.

This mom is the same person who kicked me out of the house while in high school. How did I go back home? Why did I go back home? My dad. The one person, the only person who knew how to reason with her and could provide the patience for us all to be a family. He’s gone now. He’s the one person that needs to be here to help us fix the current situation.

There’s much more I could say about what I’ve gone through most of my life, but that’s probably enough to get the general idea.

My mother has some mental problems. I am pretty certain that she has had these for a long time and that it had been under control under my dad’s care. When he passed away last summer, we were all grieving. We still are. Somewhere in the last year, something has gone really wrong.

I don’t have patience. She is the only one that I don’t have patience for. She came to our home during the holidays last year and nearly ruined a holiday party that I was hosting five minutes prior to it starting. A couple of days later we battled it out with our voices, something I have never had to do and am uncomfortable doing. People having an argument in front of me makes me really uncomfortable, so being the person in an argument like that shook me to my core.

Bad things have been said about me over and over again. My name is surrounded by curse words these last few months when it comes from her. My image has been shattered. While growing up, there was many a time that I can remember her telling me I was “ugly” or pointing out my flaws. Even if it seemed to be coming off as a joke, I know that it wasn’t. She hurt me, and I still hurt to this day.

We stopped talking in March after she told me she wished I was never born.

My daughters had been talking to her almost weekly since then through my husband. But, things changed this weekend. While the girls know that I hadn’t been talking to her, they don’t know the real reasons. My oldest, at 9, has told me that “you’re not setting a good example for a mother daughter relationship”. Yes, I know, but only if you knew why, sweet girl. I need to figure out that conversation without sounding negative. I always have told myself that I would have a different relationship with my kids than what I went through, and I am definitely trying and think I am at least succeeding.

There have been multiple suicide calls in the last few months. There’s a lot of crying wolf. There are just things, things I can’t even talk about. She has alienated all family and wants the pity and thinks she has done nothing wrong. It’s all about her, all the time. Yes, you lost your husband, but he was also my father. My husband was just cut off from her for telling her to seek additional medical help. She probably thinks he’s the one that is crazy.

You can’t speak to her. You can’t say two words. The second you says something she doesn’t want to hear, that’s it. You are written off. She will only believe what she wants to and then stories (lies, really) are made up about you. And, oh, there’s another one that has wronged her. Always right. Never wrong. Never listens.

She needs help.

I don’t have the patience, like I mentioned before. I can’t even say, “please get help.” The phone will go dead.

So, what happens next? I don’t know.

I am seeking any sort of help or advice from someone that has experienced anything similar to this. It’s like she doesn’t want help - well, she does not think that she needs it. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I would hate for something to happen to her, yet I don’t want to communicate with her either. If you can offer any words to help, I would appreciate it. You don’t need to respond here but can email me at


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  2. I hope that someone reading this post can help us out. We are at our wits end.. Jenna we love and support you..

  3. I'm not a social worker of any kind, but have been on the outside of a similar situation. In that situation we were told to not 'entertain' that person at all. To do exactly what you are doing in just repeating the message "You are mentally ill, you need help". We have all tried to be consistent in giving that message. And everyone knows she is mentally ill and the things she says about other are not true.

    As for your girls, I have to say I have a very different relationship with my grandparents then my mother does, so I feel some understanding to what your daughter says, but I also understand that each relationship is different and have gone through different experiences. I don't dislike my grandparents for what they did to my mom, but if they were to do the same things to me I would. Maybe you can relate it to their friends or something along those lines.

    So sorry you and your family are going through this. It must feel horrible to lose your dad and feel like you've lost your mom too. But it sounds like you are doing the right thing by staying true to yourself and your heart. Good luck.


  4. We all go through difficult times in our lives, yet, you gotta wanna remember one, inportant thang, girl: this is our finite existence... which means we'll be in eternity soon. I know you and me are going Upstairs cuzz I have suffered as have you withe loss. Lemme x-plane...

    As a writer of the sassy, savvy sarchasm we all go through in this lifelong demise, I as well as you gotta lotta angst; however, the synonymous metaphors which shall creep stealthily across thy brain like the vivid, brazen dawn are the cohesion which brings U.S. together, girl...

    So, see if you cannot subliminally 'read-between-the-lines' or VERBUM SAT SAPIENTI (Latin: words to the wise): here's summore symbiotically-explosive-coolness done in sardonic satires when we passed-away:

    "Those who are wise will shine as brightly as the expanse of the Heavens, and those who have instructed many in uprightousness, as bright as stars for all eternity"
    -Daniel 12:3

    Here's what the prolific, exquisite GODy sed: 'the more you shall honor Me, the more I shall bless you'
    -the Infant Jesus of Prague.

    Go git'm, girl. You're incredible.
    See you Upstairs...
    I won't be joining them in the Abyss.