tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72948239657060011082024-03-05T12:48:19.578-08:00What Now?Epic wins and fails with life, recipes and home remodeling...Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-27680942559334893702015-02-21T21:27:00.000-08:002015-02-21T21:27:01.177-08:00And So The Story Goes...I did it. <i>Finally</i> did it. And, I did it so quickly. I wrote a book. <i>I wrote a book!</i><br />
<br />
Some of you may know that I had been writing a book, a memoir. That story is so close to my heart and my life, obviously. I was about halfway through it when a whole new plot to the story could have started based on my life and experiences from about a year ago. Those stories could break a lot of people's hearts, and after a lot of thought, it was not a story that I truly felt like sharing with the world. Living through some difficult times and coming out a champion is not how the story would actually end, and even though this is life, I'm too concerned about other opinions or what people might say about some of my actions. It's my life, and some of it just must remain my own. Maybe one day, but for now, no.<br />
<br />
Once I closed that story, I just let my mind wander...what should I write about and could I be any good at fiction? I know I could, but what story <i>hasn't </i>already been written? I get ideas in my head a lot, fictional stories that would seem interesting. Building a plot around them was the difficult part. One night I did get an off-the-wall idea that I thought could turn into something. So, I built an outline and then I wrote the first chapter and I was off and running. The chapters continued to build themselves in my head and I felt that I could not write fast enough to keep up with my mind. And then, I stopped.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure what exactly made me stop, but I felt that my head needed to clear and there was so much going on around me personally.<br />
<br />
I started to feel lost in many different ways. This writing thing was beginning to feel like a crutch, and having said that I always wanted to finish a book, damn it I was going to do it. I felt like I was just forcing myself because as much as I really wanted to and it was one of my dreams, I just wanted to get it done. That took all the fun out of it.<br />
<br />
I began missing my dad a great deal during this time, realizing that I had stopped thinking about him as much and remembering the memories. While some don't believe in the afterlife or psychics or mediums, I do. It was at this time that a weird coincidence happened when I was talking with one of my friends who told me about this amazing woman that I should talk to. She could possibly help with some of my internal turmoil. I needed guidance, and I almost didn't care if someone was going to feed me a line of bullshit just to help bring me back on track.<br />
<br />
I saw this woman, and I've only told a few people about this experience. She knew nothing about me going in, but she seemed to know everything about me as she began reading my angel cards. I offered virtually no information to her, yet she gave me exactly what I needed and answers. Ask for things, ask for signs, ask for help, and start talking to your dad at night again is what she told me. She told me a lot more, but that was the information I needed to get back on the book track. I left there with an odd sense of relief. And, I did what she said.<br />
<br />
Five days later a book idea came into my head. It couldn't be missed, it was literally shouting at me - the idea itself. I remember standing in the kitchen for nearly five minutes thinking oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, over and over again. It's not the direction I was ever planning to take, and a complete turn for me into the children's book world. But, it made perfect sense. That night I searched everywhere online for a book that could be similar. Nothing. This is it, I thought.<br />
<br />The next night I sat down and wrote the entire thing, and then I spent the next week refining it. I am really in love with this book, and I am so excited to see where this road leads...Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-13754556452722715072014-11-09T18:51:00.001-08:002014-11-09T18:51:57.834-08:00Saying Goodbye to Big BlueBig Blue. It's going to be tough to say goodbye, and the end is near. We only have four to six weeks left with something that has really become a part of our family.<br />
<br />
Big Blue is not a human. It's not an animal, a pet. It's not something that's even living.<br />
<br />
Big Blue is our gigantic blue leather sectional.<br />
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<br />
We've had nearly fourteen great years with this piece, and now it's time to say goodbye.<br />
<br />
If you've known us for any of the last fourteen years, you will remember this staple in every place we've lived. Big Blue was a completely random event of how it came to be. Josh and I weren't even married yet, and we still had a college futon that we were claiming as our entertainment sofa piece. When a co-worker of mine said they were moving and needed to get rid of a few things that would not work in their new place, I piped up and immediately asked if there was a couch available. Why yes, there was. This was a custom piece and supposedly quite expensive, and because of it's enormous size, it was not going to fit with the move. I remember the conversation quite clearly.<br />
<br />
"Oh," I said. "I will gladly take it off your hands."<br />
<br />
I hadn't seen a picture, had no idea of the size, but I knew we needed to step up into something that was a notch above a futon.<br />
<br />
He said, "if you can pick it up from my place, it's yours."<br />
<br />
"How much do you want for it?"<br />
<br />
"Nothing. If you can haul it away, I don't want anything for it."<br />
<br />
We picked up Big Blue that weekend and immediately felt like adults. We weren't yet married, but engaged. No kids to speak of yet. We were growing up. And, the couch grew up with us.<br />
<br />
It is sad to say goodbye - yes, it's a couch, I know that. It's seen much better days and lived a full life. But, it's been around for so many life events. With that, an ode to Big Blue and all of its memories:<br />
<br />
Napping on Sunday (pre-kids) after having mid-day drinks.<br />
<br />
Just plain napping. <br />
<br />
Sometimes a toy, the cat used it as a scratching post.<br />
<br />
Acquiring the perfect corner comfy spot was always a fight with others.<br />
<br />
Deep in the cracks, hidden treasures were found months after they were lost.<br />
<br />
Lived in four of our rentals/purchased homes.<br />
<br />
Post kids, the couch was used as a gymnastics pad for tumbling. And a few times, I did see jumping off the side into the deep cushions.<br />
<br />
Anything that could be spilled on it has been. Upside down milk bottles and sippy cups most often. Big Blue would often smell of sour milk in the early kid days.<br />
<br />
Big Blue was always there when you wanted a comfy spot.<br />
<br />
Loads of company, Big Blue always had room for about seven people.<br />
<br />
Oh, and let's not forget about the moment when my water broke on Big Blue when I was pregnant with Olivia. <br />
<br />
Sad to see it go, but looking forward to new memories on this bad boy:<br />
<br />
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<br />
With four to six weeks left, I am pretty certain we will make the most of our time left. And, guess what, everyone actually gave the new one a thumb's up. We are so excited for our new addition.<br />
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<br />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-74020825489626652782014-09-12T21:53:00.001-07:002014-10-29T21:26:51.027-07:00Feeling FreeI'm afraid to say that we have become *that* family. The one that has too many moving vehicles for two adults. One SUV, one economical daily driver (does a WRX count as that? I don't know), and four motorcycles (okay, well only one of those is street legal, but still). And does a pop up tent trailer count? It's quite enough. But, yet, there was something missing...<br />
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<br />
<br />
A true sports car. A car that I could have only ever imagined having one day. And yet, I thought I would never achieve that because I am rational about big purchases.<br />
<br />
I am a practical person for the most part. I don't like to show off things I have. I can be almost embarrassed by things I own that might be considered for people of a certain stature. As some of my close friends know, I am a bargain shopper. I never like to pay full price, and I rarely do. So, why this car, you may wonder?<br />
<br />
I have wondered that myself, but I always knew this was a car that I would love to have some day. We definitely didn't *need* another car. My dad's passing last summer made me think a lot about everything, and there is a story that I had not planned to share, but it helped me feel that I was making the right decision in doing something for me.<br />
<br />
When I was growing up, my dad and brother started a project together (can't say I wasn't a little bit jealous). They purchased an old Karmann Ghia. It was a piece of junk when they got it, but their project was to restore it into a beautiful piece of metal made for the road. And, boy, did they ever. Cherry red, white leather, all the bells and whistles. The car was golden and you would think it was brand new.<br />
<br />
When the car was completed, it became my brothers. When he went to college, my dad came to me one day and said, "I can see how much you like the car. How about I teach you to drive it and then it's yours?" I could hardly believe it, and yet, I was completely intimidated to learn how to drive a stick shift. To this day, I still think learning how to drive a stick shift is toughest to do on those classic cars.<br />
<br />
I was so excited, I hid my reservations about learning to him. We drove over to where I went to high school and sat in the parking lot while he explained to me how it all worked. Sounded easy. So, there we were for a good hour of me just trying to take my foot off the clutch just enough so that I wouldn't stall the thing. Can't tell you how many times I stalled, but once I did get it, it was like magic. Exhilarating, even. After practicing going from first to second gear, he thought we should hit the open road.<br />
<br />
So, we did. Out of the high school parking lot and straight up to a signal, there were no problems. As I made a left turn, we were heading up a hill and I was cruising in third. What I had hoped wouldn't happen at that point, did. There was a light mid-hill, and it turned yellow. I had to stop. Sitting at the light, I began to get real nervous, being on a hill and all, and someone had pulled up right behind me. When the light turned green, I stalled. Turned the key, and stalled again. Then, again. Now being honked at, I started to panic, and the car started rolling backward because I had the clutch in and was so frazzled as to what to do. My dad pulled up the emergency brake calmly. I started crying, and I got out of the car in the middle of the road. He got out, too. I screamed, "I don't want this fucking car!"<br />
<br />
I was such an idiot. A stupid teenager who didn't understand what kind of luck she had, and that her dad wanted her to have something she had been eyeing for so long. So stupid.<br />
<br />
When my dad passed away, I knew that I wanted something that would remind me of him and hopefully turn this memory into more of one with a happy ending. We began to search for a Karmann Ghia, but our search was difficult. It was hard to find a gem in all of the ads. When we did find one, I went to test drive it. It actually brought back horrible memories of that day, but it also reminded me how horrible it was to actually drive. Difficult clutch, no power anything. If anything came out of it, I am sure I would get some muscle in my arms from that steering wheel. I decided in my heart that if I did buy it, it would only sit in the driveway. If I am going to have a car, I am going to drive it. It *needs* to be driven!<br />
<br />
We stopped talking about it for a while. Then, Josh started hinting around at the idea again. Not a Karmann Ghia, but maybe something else. I'd always dreamed of having a Porsche, but my fear again was feeling labeled by something. I kept thinking about it and putting it off. I knew I wanted it, but being super practical in everything I do, I just felt like I shouldn't. It's not something we need. He told me that I should just go look at one and test drive it and then I could call it a day if it wasn't for me.<br />
<br />
So, that's what we did. I absolutely loved it. It wasn't the first one we looked at, but the second one. I kept thinking of my dad. I felt that he was looking down at me and smiling. I never do anything like this for me, ever. Once I decided and we were driving to the bank, Josh said, "You know, after everything, you really deserve to do this for yourself." I'm so glad I did.<br />
<br />
That day, with the girls away at camp, we hit some back roads in the area and it was the most beautiful thing I've felt in a long time. Wind in my hair. Sun on my body. I felt so free of everything. And a feeling of relief. Like, this was meant to be. I felt like my dad was right there with me.<br />
<br />
Every time I have gotten in the car since, I think of him. That's what this means to me. And also that I did get *my* dream car. I know that's what he would have wanted for me.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-79962461125029969802014-08-24T21:01:00.003-07:002014-08-24T21:01:42.203-07:00MotherlessThere is a situation that has weighed heavy on my heart this weekend. And, while I am not one to share any sort of family matters publicly, I need to ask for some help or advice with a situation that has become out of hand.<br /><br />My mother and I have never been the best of friends. I was always in fear being around her, and a lot of people that I grew up with could tell you that. I was rarely the one that was allowed to go do things with my friends while in high school because of the upbringing I had. Scared to ask, because the answer was always no. I rarely asked. To this day, whenever I am asked to go do something with a friend or friends, I always feel the need to ask my husband if it is okay - who then says, “You know, you don’t have to ask me to go do something.” It is just fear. I have been trying to get over it.<br /><br />This mom is the same person who kicked me out of the house while in high school. How did I go back home? Why did I go back home? My dad. The one person, the only person who knew how to reason with her and could provide the patience for us all to be a family. He’s gone now. He’s the one person that needs to be here to help us fix the current situation.<br /><br />There’s much more I could say about what I’ve gone through most of my life, but that’s probably enough to get the general idea.<br /><br />My mother has some mental problems. I am pretty certain that she has had these for a long time and that it had been under control under my dad’s care. When he passed away last summer, we were all grieving. We still are. Somewhere in the last year, something has gone really wrong.<br /><br />I don’t have patience. She is the only one that I don’t have patience for. She came to our home during the holidays last year and nearly ruined a holiday party that I was hosting five minutes prior to it starting. A couple of days later we battled it out with our voices, something I have never had to do and am uncomfortable doing. People having an argument in front of me makes me really uncomfortable, so being the person in an argument like that shook me to my core. <br /><br />Bad things have been said about me over and over again. My name is surrounded by curse words these last few months when it comes from her. My image has been shattered. While growing up, there was many a time that I can remember her telling me I was “ugly” or pointing out my flaws. Even if it seemed to be coming off as a joke, I know that it wasn’t. She hurt me, and I still hurt to this day.<br /><br />We stopped talking in March after she told me she wished I was never born.<br /><br />My daughters had been talking to her almost weekly since then through my husband. But, things changed this weekend. While the girls know that I hadn’t been talking to her, they don’t know the real reasons. My oldest, at 9, has told me that “you’re not setting a good example for a mother daughter relationship”. Yes, I know, but only if you knew why, sweet girl. I need to figure out that conversation without sounding negative. I always have told myself that I would have a different relationship with my kids than what I went through, and I am definitely trying and think I am at least succeeding.<br /><br />There have been multiple suicide calls in the last few months. There’s a lot of crying wolf. There are just things, things I can’t even talk about. She has alienated all family and wants the pity and thinks she has done nothing wrong. It’s all about her, all the time. Yes, you lost your husband, but he was also my father. My husband was just cut off from her for telling her to seek additional medical help. She probably thinks he’s the one that is crazy.<br /><br />You can’t speak to her. You can’t say two words. The second you says something she doesn’t want to hear, that’s it. You are written off. She will only believe what she wants to and then stories (lies, really) are made up about you. And, oh, there’s another one that has wronged her. Always right. Never wrong. Never listens.<br /><br />She needs help.<br /><br />I don’t have the patience, like I mentioned before. I can’t even say, “please get help.” The phone will go dead. <br /><br />So, what happens next? I don’t know.<br /><br />I am seeking any sort of help or advice from someone that has experienced anything similar to this. It’s like she doesn’t want help - well, she does not think that she needs it. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I would hate for something to happen to her, yet I don’t want to communicate with her either. If you can offer any words to help, I would appreciate it. You don’t need to respond here but can email me at jennakuhl@yahoo.com.<br /><br />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-47157260043937736812014-02-19T15:59:00.000-08:002014-02-19T15:59:28.193-08:00Who Am I Again?The last week has been full of new discoveries and finding more about myself than I ever thought I could. I did go to the <a href="http://sfwriters.org/">San Francisco Writer's Conference</a>, and I received so much information about the industry as well as building a platform and all in all, just being around writers, agents and editors was truly amazing.<br />
<br />
So, what now? I'm overwhelmed. I don't know where to start, and I have so much information to help me. That's encouraging, so I'm on a high about that. After everything I learned, I am also changing my genre. No longer a memoir it will be. I really wanted to write from the heart, but along the way, I could be exposing people or situations where I could hurt some people and also get myself into some serious trouble. I'm just not that type of person, and truth be told, I want to tell my story. Instead, I am going to tell it in an interesting way where it now becomes "a novel, based on a true story". At least I figured one thing out that's definite!<br />
<br />
Being amongst so many writers and people in the industry was quite an experience. I met lots of people, but there were so many more I could have met. But, I closed up. I probably appeared unapproachable, but I was terrified. I seriously thought that as I got older that I wouldn't worry as much about what people thought of me. It will probably take ten more years for that. Like I have heard from so many in the past, people view me as this way. It goes something like this:<br />
<ol>
<li>The first time we meet, I might say two words. "Hi, I'm Jenna." Okay, three. </li>
<li>The second time we meet, I might say a sentence or two. "Oh, that's cool."</li>
<li>People might think I'm just not a nice person based on these first two meetings.</li>
<li>But the third time we meet, I will feel much more comfortable and might even say something interesting. "Oh, yeah, I have two girls, too. They are 13 months apart and it is so much easier now than when they were born."</li>
<li>By the fourth time, well, you might have to shut me up...</li>
</ol>
Seriously, I am a classic introvert-extrovert and especially when it comes to meeting new people or being in a foreign situation. And, I was in a situation where I felt so out of my element. By the end, I felt better, but I was so incredibly exhausted. I also wasn't exactly where I wanted to be with my writing going into the conference. It would have been so cool to pitch agents, but oh my gosh, so scary, too.<br />
<br />
When all is said and done, I am so glad that I went. I learned so much, and I am more motivated now than ever to <em>DO THIS THANG</em>!Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-25974645384655239182014-02-12T13:49:00.000-08:002014-02-12T13:49:07.327-08:00February 12, 2014Today, as a mom, I...<br />
<br />
Calmed my child down because their backpack was left somewhere yesterday.<br />
Calmed the same child down because they wouldn't have their homework to turn in.<br />
Made alternate arrangements for my children's activities so they can be every where they need to be while I am out of town for a few days.<br />
Dropped the kids off at school.<br />
Was very late to work because I had to wait for the church to open so that I could retrieve the missing backpack.<br />
Was trying to figure out how the valentine's day cards will get done since I won't be here to make sure it really gets done before Friday.<br />
Wondered if one of my children would go on the bars at school like I asked her not to after she ended up in the nurse's office yesterday.<br />
Wondered what my children really think of me. Am I just the family coordinator or much more to them than that?<br />
I wonder that most days, actually.<br />
<br />
Today, I also...<br />
<br />
Snuck into the office very late. Fortunately, there's not too many people around.<br />
Am having a hard time focusing on work (obviously).<br />
Thought of all the other things I would rather be doing instead of working in an office.<br />
Laughed about office politics, because in the grand scheme of things, who cares?<br />
Seriously thought about putting a trash can on my desk and labeling it as my "inbox".<br />
Thought of a million dollar idea only to Google it and realize I missed the opportunity.<br />
Will need to leave early to help with an after school activity for one of my children, and I'm counting the minutes.<br />
Realized that the walls are closing in and things are getting more difficult to navigate at the office.<br />
Debated quitting.<br />
Wished hard for my happy middle place in all of this. I'm not giving up hope.<br />
<br />
Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-79282631200612801912014-02-05T10:41:00.004-08:002014-02-05T10:41:48.538-08:00UnsettledThere are some things you don't ever really want to talk about.<br />
<br />
There are also some things that you don't ever really want to talk about publicly. <br />
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But, then, there are also some things where you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to them about or maybe no one has the time to listen or you fear that they don't really care or understand your situation.<br />
<br />
I guess this is one of those times.<br />
<br />
For those that don't know me, I lost my dad last summer when he lost his battle with mesothelioma. I will never forget our final conversation or our Skype conversation on that last day. Or, how I became so incredibly numb the next morning after finding out that he had passed on. I may have acted unsympathetic, but inside, I was barely hanging on.<br />
<br />
It's a fact that I have not deleted one voicemail of his off of my phone, but I have not yet listened to any of them because I fear that it will bring back all of the pain. Sometimes I have a hard time believing that this really happened to him.<br />
<br />
The last time I saw him physically, he was doing so well and he told me he would see me again. We never had that opportunity. I can't help but be hard on myself for not making another visit before things took a bad turn. I was in denial, surely. I always thought he would get better and so I pushed it aside. I shouldn't have done that. So many regrets.<br />
<br />
Every day I wish I had had more time with him. There is turmoil all around right now, and what I wish for most is that he was here to help mediate things that need help mediating. That was just one of the many things that he did so well. I wish he could see how hard it's been for some of us to lose him. And even though we are trying, things are just not the same. And I'm not sure they ever will be.<br />
<br />
There's a lot more I could say here, but this little bit is about all I have emotionally right now...<br />
<br />
Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-85074444497030085062014-01-26T21:47:00.000-08:002014-01-26T21:47:23.192-08:00Gag Me with a SpoonA couple of days ago, the girls and I were in the car. It was starting to get dark, and as we were crossing an intersection, I saw what looked like a headlight on a bike. As we got closer, I noticed that it wasn't a headlight at all. It was a person on a bike on their phone. He was riding with no hands on the handle bars. Instead, he had his phone in his hands and it looked as if he was texting. Yes, he was absolutely texting while riding his bike. Seriously? Yep.<br />
<br />
So, of course, I told the girls what I was seeing with my own eyes, but what happened next surely took me by surprise. The older one, who's nine, said:<br />
<br />
"O.M.G.! That's totes cray cray!"<br />
<br />
Huh? The little one, who's almost 8, starts giggling. If they could see my face, they would have seen bulged eyes and my mouth trying not to crack the smallest of smiles. That got me thinking...what is this tween language, and why is it spreading like wildfire? My girls are not even yet tweens, yet they are talking like them. Why is it annoying me so much?<br />
<br />
Is it so hard to say "totally" instead of "totes"? I guess it's too hard to say two syllables instead of one? Same goes for "cray", or used more often, "cray cray". If you're going to say "cray cray", you might as well say "crazy". It's the same amount of syllables. That's not all. I've also heard "supes" and "I know, right?" too many times to count, and they are also getting on my nerves.<br />
<br />
But, then my brother reminded me...twenty plus years ago, I was saying "like", <i>like all the time</i>. And, "Like, gag me with a spoon!" I was not a valley girl and didn't live near the valley, but I did live in Southern California which made it appropriate at the time. If the same scenario that I saw happen with the bike had happened back then (granted, there were no cell phones), that is exactly what I would have said. Don't forget "awesome" and "rad". Okay, I still say awesome, but that's not annoying, right?<br />
<br />
Seriously, I get that kids want to feel independent and grown up, but it is all happening too fast for me, and this is just another thing that tests my patience. There's just no way I can say these words (and, uh, try to pretend that I'm cool to them) because:<br />
<br />
1. Well, obviously I can't get away with it at my age anymore, and<br />
2. <i>I don't want to! </i>It just sounds ridiculous coming out of my mouth.<br />
<br />
If there is a dictionary on tween language, I'll definitely buy a copy in the coming years. I admit that I had to Google "totes" after I heard some young people at my workplace say it. So, for now, I guess I have to at least try to keep up with what's coming out of their cray mouths. Awesome.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-46691352568331745082014-01-23T13:51:00.000-08:002014-01-23T13:51:07.246-08:00TransformationsIn August of last year, I attempted to make a promise to myself. There were pieces of me that I really wanted to change, and one of those at the top of the list was my attitude toward certain things. And those <em>things</em> were mostly <em>things</em> that were out of my control anyway. With social media everywhere and seemingly unavoidable, it often feels like there is so much "stuff" in your face all of the time. One of the things I truly despise about social media is how it only features one side of a story, or really, one side of a person. Sometimes if I am not in the right frame of mind and I go to one of these places, it almost feels like this place where everyone is perfect, having the perfect life, and with no negativity or downside. It's the perfect world, and it's virtual. It can be....<em>painful</em>. I was often asking myself if anyone I knew ever had a bad day. Well, of course they did, but no one ever seems to advertise it (only once in a blue moon).<br />
<br />
I think I may have hit social media rock bottom right around July. One day I went on to Facebook, took a scroll through the newsfeed and broke down over the some silly post that someone wrote about how fantastic they were (or made them sound). "What the fuck?" I remember saying that out loud. "Don't you <em>ever</em> have a bad day?" Then, five minutes later I felt guilty for saying that. Let's just say that pretty much all of 2013 was an emotional year for me regardless of what I was seeing on social media. Maybe I should have just stayed away.<br />
<br />
The next month is when I made a promise. I promised myself not to go look at that newsfeed so much (I have abided by this somewhat). I also promised myself that if everything that I saw was positive, and no matter who wrote it, I would think positive (true about 95% of the time). Instead of making a grumpy face or cursing it up, I now just say or think a pleasant, "Isn't that great for them? Way to go!" You know what? It's working. I feel more positive just for something so little like that, and I feel like it is even bringing positive things my way.<br />
<br />
More change is coming, too...On Saturday, I will be starting a 5-day cleanse. I'll definitely be reporting on how that goes.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-74826896316463505142014-01-19T16:09:00.001-08:002014-01-19T16:09:21.058-08:00FearI'm excited, but terrified.<br />
<br />
I have always dreamt of writing a book, and I finally am. As I mentioned before, I am attending a writer's conference next month. That's why I am terrified. It's a journey that I have longed so badly to go on, but at the same time, I am so fearful of failing.<br />
<br />
I am only about a third of the way through my book, and I know exactly what I am writing about, have my outline, etc. The fear is that no one cares or will be interested in reading it. Is it going to be something that people will want to read? I have no idea. Is it something where others have had similar experiences? Totally.<br />
<br />
I fear about going to the conference and giving my pitch, and then being told that either it's too general or it has been told before (but differently). I don't know. I am writing this first memoir for me because there is a story that I personally want to share. And I want to tell it. Part of me doesn't even care what other people think, but deep down I know that's not true.<br />
<br />
I want to be successful. Don't we all?<br />
<br />
I know I am going to learn so much at this conference, and I am looking forward to gaining more knowledge. But, I am also more than ready to complete this chapter (no pun intended, I swear!) to find out what happens next.<br />
<br />
Fear rant, complete.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-90957197201870277992014-01-01T16:01:00.002-08:002014-01-01T16:01:36.495-08:00Feeling Lost: Day One of the New YearSigh...<br />
<br />
I was really, really hoping that what I am meant to be doing with my life would come to me magically in a dream, and that I would wake up this morning with a mission and be excited about it. For months, I have been telling the universe to please provide me that information before I fall asleep. I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard...and I am so ready to move on and get excited about something new.<br />
<br />
The one thing that I am looking forward to this year?? Well, I am so excited to attend the <a href="http://sfwriters.org/">San Francisco Writer's Conference</a>, and I am registered. February cannot come soon enough...so much to plan for, so much to get excited about. This year I would like to publish a book that I have been working on, and that is my dream. It's just not the only thing that I want to do, though.<br />
<br />
What won't I be doing this year? Overcommitting myself. I wish I had all the time in the world to do everything I wanted to do, whether that is helping out at the school my girls attend, to saying "yes" every time that I am asked to help with something. I always want to help, and it is going to be hard to say no. It's time to focus. 2014 is the year to publish my book, and also the year where I figure it all out and become happy again.<br />
<br />
I'm certainly going to try...Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-1469815391651788222013-12-29T23:07:00.001-08:002013-12-29T23:07:41.631-08:00Goodbye 2013I've been...absent (for a long, long time).<br />
<br />
2013 has been quite a year with a lot of heartache that I'd rather not talk about. It's so easy to say that I am looking forward to a fresh start and a new year and wipe the slate clean. Though, it will never be clean as there are many memories that will not be forgotten from this year, just things that I wish didn't turn out the way that they did.<br />
<br />
Moving forward, I am going to try and focus on the good that I see in my every day life, and I am going to try my best to be thankful for the things around me, the things I do, and the things that I try to teach my girls. To put it mildly, I am trying to be a better person. Not that I'm bad or anything. It's just time to not let negativity take over and to try to see the beauty in things every day. I think that in seeing the good and focusing on that, that good things will come, and that's what the focus here will be. I'm ready for good things.<br />
<br />
As I put it all out to the universe, I am hoping to figure myself out with whatever ends up coming my way. Wish me luck, because I really think I'm going to need it.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-76239167848185122342012-10-01T12:22:00.001-07:002012-10-01T12:22:16.133-07:00Wall Letters for the GirlsI am not much of a DIYer or even crafty, but I'm trying to be. I guess it is not <i>that</i> hard, but I am not really a patient person either. We have been trying to figure out some unique ideas for Bea and Olivia's walls, and I came across this lettering idea that sounded simple. It was, but now instead of just one letter (what I originally planned), Olivia wants her whole name - so that's 5 more letters. Let's hope that Bea doesn't want her complete name (8 letters!).<br />
<br />
Anyway, total time for this took about an hour, and Olivia even helped me with yarn cutting, holding the letter upright, and cheering me on about how great it looked. See for yourself:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRI0KfUrxI9XXnc5m87uNizSqfswMjlPPu7tPLEg7FmHzz51k0li-7ysgFY2DW-xr8naE2Eh7lggBiEsdtUdJLkf296R3RW6Ly_NXKOFiTLgoyLCqVqhopRE-BVp6YI9REPBCC7RP135c1/s1600/IMG_1983.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRI0KfUrxI9XXnc5m87uNizSqfswMjlPPu7tPLEg7FmHzz51k0li-7ysgFY2DW-xr8naE2Eh7lggBiEsdtUdJLkf296R3RW6Ly_NXKOFiTLgoyLCqVqhopRE-BVp6YI9REPBCC7RP135c1/s320/IMG_1983.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Here is all that I needed for the project:<br />
<br />
Yarn: 2 - 3 different types, colors<br />
Craft glue<br />
Large letter (purchased from Michael's for $3.99)<br />
Decorations (the blue flowers I got were $3.99 at Michaels, but there are a lot of options between using flowers, buttons, etc...)<br />
Hot glue gone (optional)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZzfq3SEak8MHK_cozbC_QOgyE27swjwQt7ZizeFv40v_EZuct8oMkhSV4YqkBbuk9fZrvx53OyfYEyEPIpTTaVMnRCO9yDUPuFvfMFIz84ra-O83vWKBRL11aTroS4muYopCr_ik4HHqS/s1600/IMG_1977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZzfq3SEak8MHK_cozbC_QOgyE27swjwQt7ZizeFv40v_EZuct8oMkhSV4YqkBbuk9fZrvx53OyfYEyEPIpTTaVMnRCO9yDUPuFvfMFIz84ra-O83vWKBRL11aTroS4muYopCr_ik4HHqS/s320/IMG_1977.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
And, here are the steps I took:<br />
<br />
1. Figure out how your colors will lay.<br />
2. Cut yarn in estimated length.<br />
3. Add glue (in small segments, add as you go) to the front and back of the letter.<br />
4. Start adding yarn, leaving a two inch piece hanging (trim later).<br />
5. Continue wrapping until you are ready for your next yarn.<br />
6. Repeat steps 2 - 6 until complete.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbxTJT2tziRNx_zMf3nZRSz-WpG-tmiBQ1a16ZPVlTrDVGpkMyuhKSN4qXIyQNlAfHLERZTZIyXF8tvQZjdld5DuoNXUzmYqADqwzExwCIXbs2v5LfioSeybmTOn8FdWB-rqfXV3ag17c/s1600/IMG_1978.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbxTJT2tziRNx_zMf3nZRSz-WpG-tmiBQ1a16ZPVlTrDVGpkMyuhKSN4qXIyQNlAfHLERZTZIyXF8tvQZjdld5DuoNXUzmYqADqwzExwCIXbs2v5LfioSeybmTOn8FdWB-rqfXV3ag17c/s320/IMG_1978.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
7. Wait for letter to dry (seems to take a <i>long</i> time, especially when you really want to add the decoration).<br />
8. Trim extra yarn.<br />
9. Add decorations, either with a hot glue gun or stickies attached to decorations that you chose.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9JsSjNQrWtYvwUHBEZDaQ_AuDttM71WHxeLkvKk8RZx8uq4K8Uiv_Lv5dwoF_yQ-6LAC3bg0Rw53QzYsIZYnXgWyotP8T6cAOYkdAFXSXHBugQk3bva9TFErY7dpFSiRc0RYDXSXuJynm/s1600/IMG_1985.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9JsSjNQrWtYvwUHBEZDaQ_AuDttM71WHxeLkvKk8RZx8uq4K8Uiv_Lv5dwoF_yQ-6LAC3bg0Rw53QzYsIZYnXgWyotP8T6cAOYkdAFXSXHBugQk3bva9TFErY7dpFSiRc0RYDXSXuJynm/s320/IMG_1985.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br />
Was that easy? I actually thought it was, but doing a ton of letters is a little daunting! If you do letters, send me the link so that I can see how yours turned out.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-5353089905827411392012-09-23T18:10:00.002-07:002012-09-23T18:20:57.232-07:00Perfect Jam Muffins<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Our annual summer routine is berry picking, and this post should have been written at least a couple of months ago. This summer, we went olallieberry picking, and brought home a twenty dollar box of berries (picked ourselves!):</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8jCyuO_E2oDFTKF-rZZkAX2oWpIn5Ozi5ycAqkTEuKWkIR7cHyIsIQ9ZBVL2EZ2yIPbqfBOAFcG2QZjNzbaupFnDSs3fqinSMsTDMOY_8GsBcY3DTUDAZSNWpHpqdE-4ZeGGepRQtno8w/s1600/IMG_1733.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8jCyuO_E2oDFTKF-rZZkAX2oWpIn5Ozi5ycAqkTEuKWkIR7cHyIsIQ9ZBVL2EZ2yIPbqfBOAFcG2QZjNzbaupFnDSs3fqinSMsTDMOY_8GsBcY3DTUDAZSNWpHpqdE-4ZeGGepRQtno8w/s320/IMG_1733.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">With the berries, we made about 12 jars of jam. Well, I didn't, but Josh did. He's an old pro in the kitchen. I came across a recipe that I wanted to try on Pinterest for olallieberry muffins. They were so delicious, they were pretty much gone that evening! I took the recipe and modified it just a little. The good thing about this particular recipe is that you can substitute any type of jam, homemade or not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><strong style="line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Ingredients:</strong></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">2 cups flour</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">2 teaspoon baking powder</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">pinch of salt</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">1/2 cup sugar</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">1 egg</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">1/2 teaspoon vanilla</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">1/2 teaspoon lemon juice</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">3/4 cup milk</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">1/3 cup vegetable oil</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">1 cup jam</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Add liners to your baking tin. Then, mix all of your dry ingredients together - flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. In another bowl, mix most of the wet ingredients - egg, vanilla, lemon juice, milk and oil. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients, but do not overmix. Gently mix in the jam, so that it appears in a swirl. Definitely do not overmix this part!</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's what they looked like coming out of my oven:</span></div>
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Delicious!! Happy baking!</div>
Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-1632935815473907692012-08-31T13:14:00.004-07:002012-08-31T13:14:50.673-07:00Pinch Me, With a Side of History!If you don't know me personally, then you don't know that we had been living in a small house (722 square feet! Yes, really! A family of four!) prior to our move in May.<br />
<br />
That house was purchased back in 2005 because we wanted to jump in to the housing market (but who knew it would be the wrong time?). We had planned to live there for a couple of years and then upgrade to something larger in size. We purchased the home when our first daughter was only four months old. A month after moving in, I was pregnant with our second daughter. We had outgrown the home before we moved in. Not quite the perfect living scenario, it was a struggle for all of us, but we knew there would be happier, larger living spaces for us in the years ahead.<br />
<br />
A temporary living situation moved to a long term one. After <i><b>over six years </b></i>of:<br />
<br />
1) having to go outside of the house then inside the garage to get laundry, in the cold, rain, heat - whatever, it was annoying<br />
2) waiting in line to use the bathroom (but some of the younger ones would occasionally have an accident while having to wait their turn) and absolutely <i>no</i> privacy<br />
3) a rat problem in our backyard caused by a neighbor who insisted on feeding birds (crows, even!) and other things and can't forget how the massive amounts of crows would hang out on the telephone wires and then poop on all of the cars<br />
4) neighbors who lived across the street and parked all of their five or six cars on the street, leaving no room for others with just one car to park, and<br />
5) absolutely no space for anything,<br />
<br />
we found a place that we are so happy to call home. It took quite a bit of trying (bidding wars - yes, they still exist, at least in California), but I can't say how happy we are about our new home that we've been in for four months now...it was well worth the wait!<br />
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<br />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-63464586413685630572012-08-28T15:37:00.002-07:002012-08-28T15:37:48.194-07:00Milestones and MockeriesI'm taking a little side trip for this post since the last few weeks have been a whirlwind with the start of school and getting back into a routine, more home updates, going out of town for a few days, and focusing on "other" writing projects.<br />
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It's gotten to the point of where the word CHANGE will be used quite often between now and next October. I'll be hitting a milestone birthday next year and instead of approaching it in fear, I will be ringing it in my way. Sure, I say that right now, but next year at this time I could be singing a different tune, but I hope not. I'm getting my act together over here with body, mind, spirit, among many other things. The first being my hair.<br />
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I was completely overdue for the usual cut and highlights I normally get - about four months overdue, I think. For the last couple of weeks when I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like I was looking outdated and becoming to look like someone you might see on a makeover show. Hair part down the middle with super long all-the-same-length locks, and mix in some highlight roots of about 2 1/2 inches, and there I stood. Did I care? Of course I did! It's a matter of time and actually getting to the hair salon that had been holding me back.<br />
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I wanted a change. I scanned images nightly hoping to come up with something that would look good with my face shape, why not being too drastic that no one would recognize me. I found two styles that I really liked. Upon arrival, my hair dresser was agreeable, but the final result was not what I had picked. mostly because I think there was curling involved. And, I was glad....I don't have a great shot of myself yet with the cut, but I can tell you that it does resemble one of the OC Housewives and looks pretty similar to this (but with highlights and not all over blonde):<br />
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Is this 70's or 80's? Husband says that I look like someone from the 80's, but updated. Someone at work asked if I got a perm. I have been curling much like you see in the pic, so I most definitely look different. However, there hasn't been one person at my workplace who hasn't noticed, and I quite like the reaction I have received. It has helped boost my spirits in these crazy times. <br />
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Next up on the change list: I think I need this change to sink in first!Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-12268235623954616752012-08-14T21:05:00.004-07:002012-08-14T21:05:49.693-07:00Just Couldn't Get EnoughOnce B's bedroom was pretty much complete, our other daughter, O, seemed to be asking every five minutes when we were going to paint her bedroom now - because we promised and all. I really just wanted a painting break, but the troops were not letting it go and anyone who knows her can attest to her not letting up. To try to appease her, I bought the paint color and then painted her name on the wall. That wasn't enough. Luckily, she got into her painting gear to help, which motivated us to get it done in a few short hours. Here is the newest painter in the family (you gotta start them early because, man, the family room is HUGE and I am not doing it alone):<br />
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The before shots of her room coming up next....Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-48981694315776958712012-08-11T18:58:00.000-07:002012-08-11T18:59:53.487-07:00The After: B's BedroomToday we got down to business and put the final touches on the painting of B's room with the trim and windowsill, but this in no way can describe the reaction of the finished product when she returned home from a camping trip late last Sunday. While Josh and the girls went camping, I stayed back and worked on her room, hence the agonizing last post on PAINTING. I just don't like doing things myself, but I tell you, it was just like seeing your baby smile for the first time when she walked into that room and exclaimed, "I LOVE IT! I JUST LOVE IT!!!" It made all those painting hours worth it.<br />
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It's not nearly complete, as things still need to go up on the wall, as well as the addition of curtains, blinds and a rug. Accent color is the turquoise in the bed spread, and I think it will take a little time to find what I need.<br />
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We are pretty happy with how it has turned out so far, but this mutt could care less about all the time we are spending trying to make things right ("TAKE ME FOR A WALK ALREADY. I WANNA CHASE SOME CATS AND SQUIRRELS!).<br />
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<br />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-70572380083441336432012-08-07T10:42:00.000-07:002012-08-07T16:34:32.299-07:00Start of House Project #1: B's BedroomIt's been a long road to starting projects in the new house, purchased in May. When we moved in, I attempted to set a very simple timeline, planning to spend approximately one month on each room. Then, VOILA, we would have a completely redone home just the way we wanted in just about a year's time. Talk about unrealistic goals...<br />
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Little did I know that "projects" include getting things organized and up to standard before starting on "actual projects" (okay, I knew but gritted my teeth about it). The garage had to be organized first so that all tools and handyman types of things could be easily found and not searched for, causing multitudes of frustration on my part. Then, because it is summer and all, the sprinkler system was a bit faulty. We can't be "those neighbors" whose grass turns brown and plants die. That was fixed next. We additionally took advantage of our home warranty on other items like a dishwasher drainage problem and some hokey pipe backup that we just didn't want to deal with ourselves. Finally, the previous owner decided to take their outside gazebo (and, again, it's summer!), so we added some outdoor ambiance with a new pergola and dining set for our deck (pics on that one to come later, too, at some point). There's also a little thing called life - plans, playdates, errands, cleaning - all take up time, too.<br />
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Finally, it was time to get down to business. We already knew what the first project was going to be. The room that we put my daughter B in had a mystery going on in one wall area. It was peeled paint of some sort, but was it water damage or did the previous owner decide to paint over wallpaper? It definitely was not water damage, but anytime you can actually peel paint off of a wall in a huge chunk can't be good. Given this hurdle, it ended up being time consuming:<br />
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Peeling away the paint: Approximately 1 week<br />
Patching the wall: 1 day<br />
Priming the wall: 1 day<br />
And patching the wall again (the next weekend): 1 day<br />
And priming the wall again: 1 day<br />
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All in all, three weeks time for this portion.<br />
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Here is the before image of the room. Note that this was a shared room by two tween boys and did smell of such upon move in. It was hard to get someone to agree to take the "boy" room, and only then did B take it because I secretly told her it was bigger than the other option.<br />
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It's very boyish, and my girl wasn't having any part of it. In any case, lesson be learned, we should have primed the whole room since the color that was picked was a rosy pink and much lighter than the boy blues and greens in this room. Next came the prep work with the blue tape, which is a total yawn task. And removing outlet covers and nails, and then some patching.<br />
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The best part about painting is getting those first few strokes of paint on the wall and getting excited about how the room is going to be transformed. Every stroke after that is painful. And because we didn't prime the whole thing, this room had to have two coats. There is nothing like having to paint a room twice after the joy is gone, making it feel like just work (actually a workout - I was sore the next day!).<br />
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Painting: 10 days (over two weekends)<br />
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The "after" shots are yet to come, since I still don't have <strike>everything</strike> anything up on the walls yet. And, as you'll see, I am being somewhat picky (understatement) about this house and having everything the way we want it because I have a feeling we are going to be here for a long time to come...Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7294823965706001108.post-3477330624595878852012-08-05T15:21:00.000-07:002012-08-05T15:27:40.502-07:00The Cliche First PostI've never read a blog where the first post is something extraordinary. Just so you know, this post won't be any different from the others. Read on for the boring premise, or wait a few days and there will be something much more interesting.<br />
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I've done the blog thing before, but it's been a long time. I wrote about my kids in hopes to keep it for them as a journal (typical mom blog). I then got freaked out about my life being out there for all to see. I closed up shop. Now that my kids are a little older and I am hopefully a little wiser, I try not to sugar coat things and am more about realness.<br />
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I've never been able to do anything extremely well. Let me rephrase that to be anything that I've <i>wanted </i>to try, I have <i>not</i> been able to do it extremely well. In the last year, I have had more time to try new things and what I like to do is bake/cook. I also bought a house a few months ago, and it is all about remodeling. So, when I do have free time, I'm scouring Pinterest and finding remodeling ideas and new recipes to try, and hopefully they won't flop out.<br />
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Everything is trial and error, right? Even my life, so I will tell a little bit about that as well. This last year has been one of the hardest, but also one of the best. Since life feels like it is passing me by at greater pace, I want to be able to document it, even failures, in hopes to learn something more about myself.<br />
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...Boring first post now finished.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03228691676402290562noreply@blogger.com2